Just for One Smile
by Jessica237
Summary: [EC] Sometimes, Eric Delko wonders why.


**An Eric-centric piece written as part of my 100 fic challenge over on Livejournal, as one of my writer's choice prompts. So the concept here is smile. Contains mild spoilers for season five. Nothing recognizable belongs to me.**

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Sometimes, Eric Delko wonders why. 

Sometimes he lays in bed in the morning, well after the alarm has stolen him from sleep, merely trying to muster the strength to pull himself from the bed. But it's a strength he always finds; never does he roll over and give in to the temptation to sleep it all away; to ignore the entire day. Sometimes it's all he wants to do - to give up and forget the world.

But he doesn't.

Because even on his lowest days, there's something that persuades him to push his way through. Even on the darkest days, there's that certain ray of sunshine that makes getting up in the morning worth it.

Sometimes Eric wonders why he doesn't just walk away from it all; from this career that's become his life. It's a job where the bad oftentimes outweighs the good. Sometimes the bad guys walk; sometimes the innocent suffer. And then there are times that everybody suffers.

Sometimes he wonders if he's strong enough to deal with that. Especially when so much of his strength goes into projecting a strong front; something which, he recalls with a smile, he's learned from _her_. He's learned to appear strong, to throw himself into his work when all he wants to do is break down inside, and though he won't admit it aloud, that's something he's wanted to do for awhile now.

But he doesn't let himself break. Throughout the pain, the anger, the long nights of tedious work, the cases that go cold without resolution…somehow he always makes it through all that, because he knows he's not alone in it. There's always somebody to share in his anger at the ones that get away; the ones that don't care. He's never the last from the day shift to go home at night; when he stays late into the night, there is always somebody by his side. It's the same person who always, after those cases that end badly, offers to join him for a drink or two; the offers that he always politely refuses, for fear of losing that which he so desperately needs to make it through each and every day. 

Because without that one integral piece of his life, he would break. And so he hesitates when it comes to anything that would bring him closer to her, because that would be something good. And in Eric's experience, good things never lasted for long.

He finds himself doing that a lot lately - hesitating. He isn't sure of himself, not anymore. It makes his job even more tedious; even more time-consuming, but he knows he can't afford to make any more mistakes than he's already making. Tiny, nearly imperceptible mistakes that he usually catches before anyone else anyway are one thing, but Eric knows if he isn't careful, he could make the mistake for which the cost could be the case, or worse, somebody's life.

He couldn't live with that.

So why doesn't he just walk away?

_Because she trusts him with every fiber of her being. Because she trusts him with her life. _

Eric knows deep down that he can't let her down. And so, thanks to the bullet lodged within his head, he takes his time with tasks that once took him mere seconds. Things he never once thought about; he now thinks them through three, sometimes four times before even beginning. He berates himself - _hard_ - for the little mistakes, but he trudges on, refusing to give up, even though it would be oh so easy. He refuses to give her a reason to doubt him.

Because her trust in him; the very idea that she believes in him - that means the world to him. He's never had anybody like that in his life before.

But sometimes, Eric falters.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, he wants to go home and never come back. Sometimes he wants to clock out for the last time; sometimes he wants to turn away and not look back. And sometimes, that's exactly what he almost does.

Still, not once has he run away. Not once has he given up.

And somehow, Eric already knows that he won't.

He'll be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

There's always been something to pull him away from the edge, even on his darkest days. It's something he can see in his heart so clearly, though his mind isn't quite ready to acknowledge it yet. His mind sees his coworker; his best friend. His mind sees someone to lean on, someone to trust when all others are against him.

But his heart…his heart sees the love of his life.

Her golden hair cascades over her shoulders, twirled into loose waves by the southern humidity. He wants to reach out, just once, and thread his fingers through the strands, feeling the softness beneath his fingertips, but he resists. Just like every time before, Eric resists.

But he does allow himself to meet her gaze, losing himself in her beautiful green eyes. He knows it would be nothing short of heaven to go to sleep each night, her eyes the last thing he sees before drifting away; to wake up each morning to those gorgeous orbs gazing down at him.

He wants that.

He wants _her._

But he can't be with her, and day by day, that slowly rips his heart apart. It hurts like nothing he's ever felt before, and every night Eric wonders why he puts himself through this torment every single day. She's always so close to him; her intoxicating scent assaults his senses. Sometimes she brushes against him, just barely, and every single time it sets his heart racing; his spine tingling.

Whenever she leaves, she unknowingly leaves Eric feeling lost, alone. It's an endless cycle of elation and pain; giddiness and suffering; happiness and despair. Sometimes Eric wonders if it's worth it; if the joy of being with her (yet not quite _with_ her) is worth the pain of being without her. Shouldn't that pain make him want to walk away? 

But not only does he never walk away; he knows he'll be back the very next morning, and the idea doesn't dishearten him; on the contrary, it puts a smile on his lips.

If it hurts so badly, then why does he smile?

Just as he reaches the elevator to make his final exit of the night, Eric hears that familiar, Southern drawl calling his name. Despite his exhaustion, he turns toward her, knowing that he'd happily stay in the lab and study fingerprints or go over casefiles all night long, knowing that she would stay right there beside him.

In seconds, she's right in front of him, wearing a tiny smile on her lips and that inherent brightness in her eyes; a picture that never fails to quicken the beating of Eric's heart. As she speaks, Eric can't help the way his eyes are drawn to her lips. "Are you headed out?" she asks, brushing a loose strand of blonde away from her face.

Mesmerized by just that simple movement, Eric doesn't answer immediately. When he does, he finds his mouth dry, his voice a little hoarse. "Yeah," he says, all the while wishing he had something more eloquent to say. "You?"

"In a little bit," Calleigh replies, though from her tone, Eric knows she means a little longer than that. "I just have a few things to finish up…"

"You want some help?"

"Nah, I'm fine," she replies with a shake of her head, just as Eric knew she would. She always says that. But that could never stop Eric from asking.

There's a ding from behind him, followed a second later by the opening of the elevator. He throws a hand out, holding it open as he watches Calleigh closely, wishing just once that he could find the courage to ask her out for dinner, for a drink, or just to give her a ride home. But it's courage that never comes, and with a sigh, Eric nods. "Alright. Well, don't work too hard, okay?" 

Calleigh smirks, but Eric only wishes he were joking. "I won't."

Reluctantly Eric takes a step back, into the elevator, but still he holds it open, unwilling to break away from her presence just yet. "Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then," he says, finally letting his hand drop.

For a moment, Calleigh hesitates. Eric feels his heart stop, unsure of what Calleigh wants to do or say. But the moment passes uneventfully, just as always. The outcome is never any different; and yet, every time there is something that always manages to fool his heart into thinking it might be different. He thinks one day he'll come to realize that fully, while secretly hoping he never does. He doesn't want to realize that what they really have is little more than this.

Just before the doors begin to slip closed, cutting him off from her for another night, she calls out to him, a genuine warmth tinting her voice. "Night, Eric." 

And then she smiles at him. That warm, radiant, _beautiful_ smile that he fell in love with years ago.

It's the last thing he sees before the doors close completely, and Eric closes his eyes, wanting it to be the last thing he sees before he heads home to allow another night of sleep to claim him; wanting to seal the vision to his mind so it will always be there to remind him each and every time he wonders why.

Sometimes he wonders why he willingly puts himself through all the trials, the distress, the pain and the heartbreak. Sometimes he wonders why, even though he's lost nearly everything, he refuses to let himself give up.

And then, just when he needs it the most, Calleigh smiles at him. She smiles at him, and suddenly all the pain becomes worth it.

And that's why he wakes up in the mornings; that's why he makes it to work on time every single day. That's why he doesn't give up.

Just for the promise of one smile from Calleigh.

Just for one smile.


End file.
